Self-Portrait in Bottles of Wine


Barefoot Moscato (2011) – This blend of grapes from the East-Bumfuck region of a Napa-adjacent valley immediately entices the palate with the sweet aromas of underage drinking on the nose, and a smooth black-out-or-get-out finish. Paired best as a chaser for Burnett’s Strawberry Vodka in some dirty club outside New Haven, Connecticut. 

Yellowtail Pinot Grigio (2013) – A drier varietal, whose status above two-buck-chuck will make you feel like Rockefeller. Go ahead, spring for that 1.5 liter. A simple expression of a familiar wine, this vintage will make you feel like you are, in fact, making the correct decisions. Paired best with roommates you love but will forsake in a second for a boy.

Gramona “La Cuvee” Cava (2015) – Your taste buds will be dazzled by
flavors of pseudo-maturity and What You Used To Think Was Stress. A complex, for sure, you just wanted to play house. A short finish. Paired best with a fat bowl and the dregs of a failing relationship.

La Comedia Garnacha Samsó Blend (2016) – What’re you doing? You can’t drink anymore. What’s the point of reading this? This wine is rife with complexities in desire, fear, and bitter tannin. The body isn’t weighty on the palate but light and airy. One might even say underweight. Paired best with a cork and aluminum foil. Just don’t even open it. 

Ameztoi Rubentis Txakolina Rosé (2017) – An effervescent explosion of almost-happiness storms up your senses! The double-fermentation of lies you tell yourself bubble up, and yes, you have to deal with them this time. Down the hatch goes, him, and him, oh and him too. A delightfully challenging style. Paired best with the ego trip of seeing a man who’s always pined for you. Shit, his girlfriend’s here too. 

Palo Cortado Peninsula (2018) – This fortified wine is almost high enough in alcohol content to convince you to only drink the one bottle. A deep, round, warming opulence invites the senses and wafts up the nose. On the palate notes of getting better are scribbled all over. The body is full and rich. And wait a second, yours too, honey, damn. Paired best with a cocktail of antidepressants and a love note crammed into the locker of someone somewhere at Big Pharma. 


K.P. Hubbard Poet & Bartender

K.P. Hubbard is a Boston-based interdisciplinary artist and Bar Manager. She specializes in print-, paper-, prose-, and cocktail-making. K.P. entered hospitality as a means to fund her BFA from Suffolk University and the New England School of Art and Design and fell in love with the artistry of the service industry. Now, you can find K.P. creating new craft cocktails, designing menus, binding books, and pursuing her sommelier certification.